everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
