It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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