respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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