Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
