i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
