I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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