i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
