I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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