Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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