I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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