im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
