I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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