that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
