i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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