my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
