wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i drank out of a bidet.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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