I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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