why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
