she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
