So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
