You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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