just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
