wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
