I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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