She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
