yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
