Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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