and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
