Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
