Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
