sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
