It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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