New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
