You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
