Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
