oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
