Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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