Umm I'm too high to move.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
