Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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