he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
