Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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