I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
