If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
what day is it and did you see me today?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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