I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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