dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
