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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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