I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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