I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
