I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
