Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
pray to the hookup gods
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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