Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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