Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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