Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
