i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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