The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
