i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
