Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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