Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
