xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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