The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
