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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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