I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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