you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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