We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
