i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
