Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
