I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The Olympian is in my bed
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
